omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
