using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize