are you still at the devil's house?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
