the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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