you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
