he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
sarcasm needs its own font
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
