He uses pillows to masturbate.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
