So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
