he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize