You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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