I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
