glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize