Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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