hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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