69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
