hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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