You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
