Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
