White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
