I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize