Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
