I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
