True but thats because hes a fetus.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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