I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
