carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
