people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it hurts more in the daytime
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
