Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm jealous of your bromance
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize