Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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