There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
