That's intense
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
