i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
