At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize