the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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