You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
