hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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