I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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