There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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