The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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