A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
