my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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