I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
