Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize