I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
