I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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