i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
