I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
