your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
