Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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