all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Two words: blizzard sex
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
