): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
