census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
