piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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