What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize