At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
