I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
