i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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