At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
