he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
