i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she told me i tasted like america
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
