did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
