New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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