i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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