I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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