the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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