Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
