Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
