Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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