Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
