So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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