Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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