Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
