Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize