So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
