Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
