Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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