I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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