you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
