you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
