I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
