Sponge bath it is.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
