Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
