I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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