the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
