her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
