She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
