My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
