I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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