He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
