I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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