The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
