11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We talked him into tasing himself.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
