bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
