trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
