just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize