he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
